Nine Lessons of Motherhood

On my 22nd birthday, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, huge, not sure how ready I was to become a mother. Two weeks later, Jessica was born, and my life was never the same again. 

quote on motherhoodOn my 24th birthday, I had a nine-day-old son in my arms when my friends sang “Happy Birthday.” Allen had actually been due on my birthday, but came early. Thoughtful as always, I supposed he didn’t want me to miss my own party by being in labor.

On my 26th birthday, I had recently discovered I was pregnant with baby number three. Aiden arrived on March 25th, at 4:55 in the morning, and has loved waking us up early ever since.

It’s my 31st birthday today, my ninth birthday as a mother, and although it might not be as “auspicious” a number as ten, I wanted to share nine things I’ve learned about parenting, nine lessons that motherhood has taught me.

1. I’ll never be a perfect mom. 

When I was little I loved the movie Milo and Otis, about an orange kitten who got lost and his best friend, the pug-nosed puppy, that searched until he found him. The movie begins in the hayloft, where Milo, the kitten, is just born. The narrator states that the mother kitten, who just had her first litter, vowed she would never raise her voice or lose her temper. Ten seconds later, she is shouting at Milo, who is already heading toward the edge of the hayloft.

Kids aren’t static creations. They are dynamic (sometimes very dynamic) — always thinking, moving, changing, learning, and growing. And so are we, as parents.

2. I won’t always remember to pray for my kids.

I’ve read in a fair few parenting books that, yes, we’ll make mistakes, but at least we can always pray for them every day of their lives. Another miserable fail, was my thought about that. I do pray for my children, as often as I remember, but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I go through a phase where I wake up early every morning and read a great book on parenting and pray for my kids before they’re even awake; other mornings I get dragged out of bed by my kids wishing for a few more moments of rest.

Somehow I don’t think God is saying, “Well, since she hasn’t prayed for her children consistently every day of their lives, I’ll simply have to curse them and their children’s children from this time forth and even forevermore.” That’s not the way it works.

3. I might not judge rightly in some situations.

Before I became a mom, I vowed that when my kids fought, I would always listen carefully to both sides and make a patient and prayerful decision on the matter. I do that … sometimes. But sometimes I don’t, and I’ll just do whatever makes the arguing stop most quickly, even if it’s not the fairest judgment.

I’m not as wise as Solomon, nor am I as patient as Job. I’m a mom, but I do think my kids will survive.

4. Saying sorry is a good thing.

I won’t always do or say the best thing in any given situation, and when I mess up with my kids, apologizing works wonders. Some of the sweetest or and most heartwarming times with my kids have happened after I just said, “I’m sorry. I should have been more patient,” or “I should have let you finish what you were saying.”

And there is nothing like hearing a four-year-old say, “I forgive you mommy.”

5. Kids can work.

I’m generally the type of person who likes to get a job done on my own. I know how I want it done, and I can do it pretty quickly. But working side by side with my kids, and teaching them how to do a job not only lightens my workload when they learn to do it themselves, but it builds their confidence and skills like nothing else can.

Lately I’ve let my older two children choose the cleanup jobs they want to do, and have expected them to follow through, and they’ve done great. I can’t exactly retire from housecleaning just yet, but they’re on their way, and it feels good not to do everything “All by myself.”

6. There’s never a bad time to tell a child, “I love you.”

My son was sitting at the table doing artwork and I told him I loved him. He looked up and asked, “Where are you going?” I suddenly felt guilty; do I really tell my children I love them that infrequently?

I still don’t say it as often as I should … but I’m working on it.

7. Kids need quiet time too.

My youngest child is the most energetic of the three … by far. He’ll jump from activity to activity and is a people-person; he loves it when I’m jumping from activity to activity with him. Unfortunately, jumping became out of character for me a long time ago. One day I was tired and didn’t know how I would keep up with his amazing energy. We have a hammock on our back patio and he wanted to play in the backyard, so I reclined on the hammock. He clambered up next to me and was still, listening, for nearly half an hour. He talked a little bit – about the things we can hear when it’s quiet.

Times of peace and quiet, stillness and listening, are growing rarer in this world of multimedia and multitasking. Learning to be still is an art, one that even as adults we often overlook. But it’s something that cultivates peace, reflection, and calmness … even in children.

8. Things never go exactly as planned.

Last year, my daughter was turning eight. I knew the perfect gift for her, a hamster. Once my husband was convinced, we bought a cage and a hamster and brought them both home the evening before her birthday. We surprised her with it that evening, and she was so thrilled. Early the next morning, before the birthday girl woke up, I checked on the hamster. It hadn’t survived the night. Animals will die. We put our cat to sleep on my ninth birthday. But I didn’t want it to happen on her birthday, when she had only just gotten what she called, “The best birthday present ever.” I placed it in a box and told the kids it wasn’t feeling well and needed its rest. My husband picked up another hamster on his way home from work, with similar markings. Buttercup the Hamster has been with us for nearly a year now.

Jessica’s ninth birthday is coming up and she’s asking for a dog. I think we’ll wait on that.

9. Being a parent is an awesome privilege.

I’m playing a part in raising immortal souls, little people who will grow up to be big people, each one created in the image of God, with a unique purpose and destiny. I can help them along that path by reinforcing to them every day how unique and special they are, and cultivating their God-given interests and talents.

I don’t know the future, or what is in store for my children. But I know that for this little while, I have been blessed to love, nurture, teach, and be a mother to three amazing, eternal souls. The best gifts ever.


About Bonita Jewel

Bonita Jewel is an author and blogger who writes on a variety of themes, including: Literature & poetry Writing Parenting Purpose After living in India from the age of 16 to 28, she returned to California with her husband and three children. She is pursuing a Degree at Fresno State University. Bonita teaches community education at Clovis Adult. Her courses include Blogging Basics, Power Editing, Creative Writing, and Working from Home. She also freelances as an editor, ghostwriter, and writing coach. Her greatest passions are her family, her faith, writing, and reading. Bonita Jewel has been reading since she was 2 ½. Thirty years later, she still loves the magic and mystery of the written word. She is slowly breathing life into roughly 50 novels and nearly as many nonfiction works, depending on which plot or character seizes her interest at any given time. Please connect with Bonita at:

Posted on August 18, 2013, in Life Lessons, Special Days and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. This one really moved me. I’ve been a parent for over 15 years, and these are things I keep reminding myself of as well. I’ve learned so much from my children, but most of all the first three came as a bit of a surprise to me. I’m still learning to let go of my ideas of perfection and accept that I won’t be the perfect mother, that I’ll drop the ball (or several!) sometimes, and will even need to apologize to my kids from time to time. One other lesson I’ve learned is to live in the moment. They will grow up and I’ll miss it if I brush them off when they want to help, want to hug and cuddle, or want to spend time with me.

    • So true. I read somewhere that there’s a Japanese word for being present in the moment; there’s no English word for that and it’s something I think we miss all too often.

  1. Pingback: A Hamster in Heaven | Positive Parenting

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: