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Nine Lessons of Motherhood
On my 22nd birthday, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, huge, not sure how ready I was to become a mother. Two weeks later, my daughter was born, and my life was never the same again.
On my 24th birthday, I had a nine-day-old son in my arms when my friends sang “Happy Birthday.” My son had been due on my birthday but came early. Thoughtful as always, I supposed he didn’t want me to miss my own party by being in labor.
On my 26th birthday, I’d recently discovered I was pregnant with baby number three. He arrived on March 25th, at 4:55 in the morning, and has loved waking us up early ever since.
I’ve recently been looking over older writings of mine and discovered this, something I wrote on my 31st birthday, my ninth birthday as a mother. Nine motherhood lessons to mark that time.
That was 2013, nearly ten years ago. I think of everything that has changed. I think of the mom I am now. Looking back, some aspects of parenting seemed so simple ten years ago. The questions my children had and the problems they faced seemed smaller, more manageable.
But looking over the lessons on motherhood I had gleaned at that time, I realized that they all bear up ten years later. They make sense and there’s none about which I would say, that motherhood lesson no longer applies.
Have I learned more things about motherhood since then? I should hope so, and maybe, when my 41st birthday rolls around next month, I’ll gather a few to share.
But for now, here are the motherhood lessons I’d “learned” or at least begun to recognize, when I wrote this post as a relatively young mother of three relatively young children. (The material has been edited somewhat and I’ve added a few photos from those earlier times.)
Motherhood Lesson #1: I’ll never be a perfect mom.
When I was little, I loved the movie Milo and Otis, about an orange kitten who got lost and his best friend, the pug-nosed puppy, that searched until he found him.
The movie begins in the hayloft, where Milo, the kitten, is just born.
The narrator states that the mother cat, who just had her first litter, vowed she would never raise her voice or lose her temper. Ten seconds later, the mother cat is shouting at Milo, who is crawling dangerously close to the edge of the hayloft.
Kids aren’t static creations. They are dynamic (sometimes very dynamic) — always thinking, moving, changing, learning, and growing. And so are we, as parents. As long as we come to terms with that, we won’t be perfect moms, but we will be real ones.
Motherhood Lesson #2: I will forget to pray for my kids.
I’ve read in parenting books such as Praying the Scriptures for Your Children and The Power of a Praying Mom that, yes, we’ll make mistakes, but at least we moms can pray for our kids every day of their lives.
Another miserable fail, was my thought about that. These are great books and I recommend them, but sometimes I forget to pray for my children.
Sometimes I go through a phase where I wake up early every morning and read a great book on parenting and pray for my kids before they’re even awake; other mornings I get dragged out of bed by my kids and all I want is a few more moments of shut-eye.
Somehow I don’t think God is saying, “Well, since she hasn’t prayed for her children consistently every day of their lives, I’ll curse them and their children’s children from this time forth and even forevermore.”
That’s not the way it works. And with this little motherhood lesson, what I need to do is drop the guilt.
Motherhood Lesson #3: I will make the wrong call sometimes.
Before I became a mom, I vowed that when my kids fought, I would always listen carefully to both sides and make a patient and equitable decision on the matter.
I do that … sometimes. But often I don’t, and I’ll just do whatever makes the arguing stop most quickly, even if it’s not fair.
I’m not as wise as Solomon … but seriously, even Solomon wasn’t as wise as Solomon if you read about the decisions he made later in life.
Nor am I as patient as Job … but Job also sounded a bit dramatic when he made the case that he should have never been born.
What I mean to say is, when we struggle, we make the wrong call. We walk the wrong road. But maybe that’s a good thing because it helps our kids see we’re not perfect and helps them realize they don’t have to be perfect either.
Motherhood Lesson #4: Saying sorry is a good thing.
And because I’m not perfect, I won’t always do or say the best thing in any given situation.
But when I mess up, apologizing works wonders. Some of the sweetest and most heartwarming times with my kids have happened after I just said, “I’m sorry. I should have been more patient,” or “I should have let you finish what you were saying.”
There is nothing like hearing a four-year-old say, “I forgive you, Mommy.”
Motherhood Lesson #5: Kids can (and should) work.
I’m generally the type of person who likes to get a job done on my own. I know how I want it done, and I can do it pretty quickly.
But working side by side with my kids, and teaching them how to do a job not only lightens my workload when they learn to do it themselves, but it builds their confidence and skills like nothing else can.
Lately, I’ve let my older two children choose the cleanup jobs they want to do, and have expected them to follow through, and they’ve done great. I can’t exactly retire from housecleaning just yet, but they’re on their way, and it feels good not to do everything “All by myself.”
Motherhood Lesson #6: It’s never a bad time to say, “I love you.”
My son was sitting at the table doing artwork and I told him I loved him.
He looked up and asked, “Where are you going?”
I suddenly felt guilty; do I really tell my children I love them that infrequently?
I still don’t say it as often as I should … but I’m working on it.
Motherhood Lesson #7: Kids need quiet time too.
My youngest child is the most energetic of the three … by far. He’ll jump from activity to activity and is a people person; he loves it when I’m jumping from activity to activity with him.
Unfortunately, jumping became out of character for me a long time ago. One day I was tired and didn’t know how I would keep up with his amazing energy.
We have a hammock on our back patio and he wanted to play in the backyard, so I reclined on the hammock. He clambered up next to me and was still, listening, for nearly half an hour.
He talked a little bit – about the things we can hear when it’s quiet.
Times of peace and quiet, stillness and listening, are growing rarer in this world of multimedia and multitasking. Learning to be still is an art, one that we mothers need and often overlook. But it’s something that cultivates peace, reflection, and calmness … even in children.
Motherhood Lesson #8: Things never go exactly as planned.
Last year, my daughter was turning eight. I knew the perfect gift for her, a hamster.
Once my husband was convinced, we bought a cage and a hamster and brought them both home the evening before her birthday. We surprised her with it that evening, and she was so thrilled. Early the next morning, before the birthday girl woke up, I checked on the hamster.
It hadn’t survived the night.
I didn’t want this to happen on my daughter’s birthday, when she had only just gotten “The best birthday present ever.” I placed it in a box and told the kids it wasn’t feeling well and needed its rest.
My husband picked up another hamster on his way home from work, with similar markings. Buttercup the Hamster has been with us for nearly a year now.
Jessica’s ninth birthday is coming up and she’s asking for a dog. I think we’ll wait on that.
Motherhood Lesson #9: Parenting is a privilege.
Little people will grow up to be big people, each one unique with their own strengths and weaknesses, their own interests and skills. Each one has marvelous potential, and we moms can help them toward those paths they will take by reinforcing to them how unique and special they are, and cultivating their interests and talents.
I don’t know the future, or what is in store for my children.
But I know that for this little while, I have been blessed to love, teach, and be a mother to three amazing humans. The best gifts ever.
The Mom I Am Now
If you subscribe to this blog, this is the first post that has popped into your inbox for a while. You might be surprised or perhaps even forgot you subscribed to Positive Parenting Blog.
For the lengthy gap in time between this post and my last one, I apologize …
and I also want to explain.
It has to do with the mother I am now.
And it started with me making my very first kale smoothie.
Kale is growing really well in my backyard, which is a first. I tried growing kale before, but when the days started getting hotter (which happens every year in California’s San Joaquin Valley), the kale died. I figured it did not grow well in this climate.
But I decided to try again and planted it in late winter. This time around, the weather grew warmer and couple times the highs came close to 100, and the kale is still growing and flourishing.
I really have no excuse not to be eating healthy with an abundance of backyard kale, but lately I really haven’t been eating healthy.
This is the mother I am now: I love sour patch kids. I love chocolate. And I really like cookies (especially shortbread cookies and soft homemade cookies). Basically, the less healthy it is for me, the more I will want to eat it. Oh, and I love popcorn, and since the easiest popcorn to make is the microwave variety … let’s just say that a few times lately, I had popcorn and cupcakes for dinner. The cupcakes were leftovers from my son’s graduation party.
Speaking of graduation, with half a dozen of his friends graduating this month also, there have been lots of gatherings and lots of opportunities to consume sodas, cake, and all kinds of sweets.
So, back to that kale smoothie …
It wasn’t just kale, but I picked three large leaves of kale and tossed it in my handy, dandy magic bullet blender with a handful of frozen berries and half a frozen banana, along with some fresh ginger and water.
I blended it up and it was green. Very green.
My son came in and asked if I was making a smoothie; he enjoys berry smoothies when I make them. But I haven’t made a smoothie for a while, as I’ve been too busy eating popcorn and cupcakes and my secret stash of sour patch kids.
He took one look at my kale smoothie. I told him the kale was fresh from the backyard.
He told me, “Mom, you’re turning into a typical 40-year-old white woman.”
Now if you don’t have children, I would recommend it if only for the sarcasm they suddenly develop in their teenage years. My son is 14 and making up for lost time.
I laughed along with him and told him that I plan on making avocado toast next.
He set me straight by saying, “No, avocado toast is the typical diet of a white 30-year-old.” So apparently, I am no longer eligible for avocado toast.
It was a silly exchange and I drank some of the kale smoothie and gave some to my daughter, who actually drank it …
But my son’s words got me thinking.
Thinking about the woman that I am, the mother I am now.
I started this blog 13 years ago when I was in my late twenties and a mother of three children eight and below. I was in many ways, a different woman.
I was ambitious and idealistic and possibly a little too driven. Driven by perspective of the mother I wanted to be and thought I needed to be.
But a lot happens in 13 years. Disappointments and setbacks. Shake-ups and shakedowns. My children have faced challenges I would not have imagined 13 years ago. I also have faced difficulties I didn’t picture having to deal with, ever.
But there have also been successes and accomplishments, joys and triumphs I would not have foreseen 13 years ago. And also, there has been grace. Not just in the difficult times but possibly because of them.
My daughter, after nearly two years away at college (only returning home for short Christmas visits), is home for the summer, and she made this observation:
“Mom, you’re so much more lenient than you were when I was younger.”
And in some ways, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. You have to let go of the reins a bit as your children grow up. You have to let them move on into making more decisions on their own.
But it’s more than that.
As an idealistic mom who didn’t let video games inside the house, for instance, I would hardly have imagined video games would actually help one of my children when they were struggling with severe anxiety.
I would not have imagined bonding time with my kids would center on lengthy discussions about Minecraft, World War II weaponry, or that it would involve binging on a TV series some would consider horror.
But, surprise, surprise. This is the mother I am now.
I am raising three children-turned-teenagers who are turning out to be very different from me, who have different interests and skills, resonate with different things, and are taking different paths.
Who would have thought, right?
I expected that by now I’d have a few more things down as a mother. That I would have a regular meal plan and shop only according to that plan. That I’d have a consistent chore schedule and my children would be skilled and taken over completely with things like dishwashing vacuuming and pet care.
But this is the mother I am now
Not the mother who consistently exercises but one who manages to take the dog for a walk every once in a while.
Not the mother who consistently eats all the right foods—high in protein and iron and fiber content, but who occasionally makes a kale smoothie or considers the benefits of trying out avocado toast even if I’m not in the right age group.
I’m a little bit more lax and a little bit more relaxed.
I know that doesn’t mean I have the perfect balance. It doesn’t mean that I’m not still striving to reach goals and desires, brimming with ideas and ideals, for myself and for my children.
So here we are, because it’s the only place I can be, the mom I am now.
And it is reboot of sorts for positive parenting blog or perhaps a reorientation. I’m hoping to do posts once a week, most likely on Saturday when you will hopefully have some spare time to read it.
Also, I currently have other focuses, including writing focuses.
If you aren’t aware of it, I’ve been posting for a few months now on Substack and would be thrilled if you headed over there to check it out. I post three times a week for all subscribers and an additional post each week for paid subscribers, on a publication I’ve titled Limning the Ordinary.
I’m also working on my fiction WIP and preparing that for a few beta readers in hopes of getting my novel published sometime in the near future.
And, of course, I’m a mom of three teenagers and a wife to a terrific guy who has started a business of his own in the last few years and still finds time to cook a good meal for us at least once a week. (I help him with his business also, so it’s a decent tradeoff.)
I’m still a freelance editor. Lately, one of my projects has been working with Hip Homeschool Moms and assisting with their blog posts on various websites. If you’re not aware of them, they definitely have a lot going on for moms of younger children and moms of teenagers. They also have a recipe blog.
And since it’s been a while since we’ve caught up (entirely my fault), feel free to leave a comment. Let me know how things are going with you, how the parenting life is treating you.
Maybe you’re figuring out life as an empty nester or a foster parent. Maybe you’re just launching into having children in school, or you’re in the middle of parenting teens, like me.
Until next Saturday, be well.
Embrace the parent you are now, even if it’s not the one you thought you would be.
Homeschooling Tips My Children Have Taught Me
My three children had missed homeschooling for a week due to sickness.
Allen got an upset tummy from something he had eaten; he was just recovering when a fever came around, putting him back in bed for the next few days.
My other two got fevers as well, and homeschooling took a nosedive for the next several days.
Over the weekend, their health was picking up, and by the start of the new week, I thought we could start out slowly with some homeschooling, just to get back in the groove.
We started out very slowly.
Usually, school time begins around 10:00 am for them; today it was noon before we opened the school books.
I tried to keep in mind that it had been over a week since their last lesson and might take a bit of time before a couple young kids would “get into it” again.
Still, it was difficult to keep from becoming frustrated, as Allen spent most of the morning either staring off into space or crying at absolutely-nothing-in-particular.
His behavior was quite a departure from my usually happy little boy.
Jessica, on the other hand, had decided that she needed to do the whole last week’s worth of school in one day because she had been sick.
She spent so much time insisting on it that she was accomplishing absolutely nothing.
I assured her that we could go at her pace today.
Needless to say, it was not the most productive school day we had experienced.
As a homeschooling mother, it isn’t always easy to find the right balance between school and life.
There are some inspired and wonderful teachers and parents who turn every moment in life into an educational experience for a child, without the child even realizing that they are “learning”.
Life is just one great experience after another and the parent manifests that in every moment of the day. They just make learning fun, exciting, and unforgettable experiences on a daily basis.
It is great when a parent, especially a homeschooling one, can make education fun for children.
Especially when they are young, children need more excitement, interaction, and inspiration … and less sit-down book work.
The thing is, I’ve always been a more “textbook” type of person and naturally take this approach with my homeschooling.
Although I have adapted various ideas and tips to try to make learning fun, it’s easier for me to explain a lesson on paper than to pull out a variety of ingredients for an impromptu science lesson.
On good days, I tell myself it takes all kinds, and as long as I am dedicated and manifest patience and love, my children will learn that which is most important.
On bad days, I fear that my children will end up with a lopsided education and rue the fact that their mother ever thought she could homeschool her kids.
Most days are a mixture of good and bad.
Here are a few homeschooling tips I’ve picked up along the way
Start each homeschool day with something special.
For young kids, this homeschool tip doesn’t have to be hard.
You can keep it simple.
- Show them a bug you found in the garden that morning
- Play a funny song from YouTube
- Try drawing a sketch of the child for a few laughs
- Even better, let them try to draw your portrait
Have a reward system.
The rewards can be as simple as a sticker chart which, once filled, can be exchanged for a treat – a snack or an extra video.
Offering a reward of some kind, for things like …
- good behavior
- positive attitude
- completing something in school
… gives your student something to look forward to.
Be consistent and fair with the reward system and children will look forward to it.
Allow spontaneity in your homeschooling.
You do have goals and requirements, but at the same time, a dull and uninspired child will work slowly and perform poorly.
If you notice they are slowing down or lacking inspiration, break it up!
- Introduce a new idea
- Take a break outside
- Teach a live class
- Do something to bring new vision into their day
The idea of this homeschooling tip is simply to let yourself have fun as their parent as well as their teacher.
Give yourself the space you need.
I think this is the most important of the homeschooling tips I’ve learned, personally.
Do whatever it is you need to be the best homeschooling teacher for your kids.
Yes, you can strive to be inspired and happy, but on some days you might need to sit them in front of a video or have them quietly read books so you can have a bit of me-time.
Every day can be a wonderful learning experience, but you don’t have to feel like you need to perform, as my mom would put it, a song and a dance on a daily basis to keep your kids learning.
I’m beginning to learn to also follow my kids’ lead. They need guidelines and schedules, yes, but just like us big people, sometimes they need a longer break or even a day off.
Kids are often the best teachers we have, and their exuberance and wonder can rub off on anyone, of any age.
Pretty fair trade, I’d say.
Note: this blog post was originally written in 2011; updated in January 2021.
Image Boy Reading a Book — by © S. Seckinger/zefa/Corbis
An Outside Glimpse
My four-year-old son had been going through a whiny phase. I found it difficult to hear his words clearly, and frequently told him (probably less-than-patiently) that I could not understand a word he was saying unless he spoke more clearly. Without the high-pitch accompaniment of whines. After my reactions, he usually just stopped trying to say whatever he had been saying. So I would feel bad for shutting him down, and he probably felt worse for not being able to express whatever he wanted to say.
My mom was driving, and I sat in the passenger seat. The three kids all sat in the back seat. My son was talking aloud to himself, which he rarely does. He was going on and on in a very impassioned manner so I tuned in to hear what he might be saying.
“No one understands me!” He was exclaiming to himself, building up a whole case in his little sing-song voice. I tried to reassure him that as long as he spoke clearly, he would be understood. I left it at that, although his self-talk continued.
That weekend, my sister came for a visit with her teenage son. I entered the living room that evening and heard my son telling a story to his aunt and cousin. They were sitting captivated as he narrated the entire tale of how we traveled from India (a couple of months before), including details on the airplane ride, the things he saw, ate, experienced.
After he completed his tale, I told him it was time to get ready for bed. He turned to go, but then added a final line to his narrative: “I need to go now and that’s about all the information I have.”
My sister was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. My nephew commented, “He knows words I didn’t learn until sixth grade!”
The next day, my four-year-old told his plane traveling story to someone else, who also looked extremely impressed. He added a few details, cut out some other parts and had to double back when he forgot something, beginning the story once more from that point on. He breathlessly reached the end of the story with, “And that’s the end of my story of how we came from Bangalore to America.”
Another successful tale. Another impressed listener. My son was happy once more. And I stood in wonder at that outside glimpse. Seeing my child through someone else’s eyes. His amazing vocabulary. His gift of storytelling.
Often, without even realizing it, we put our children in a box, labeled neatly with our perceptions and our assumptions. My son: the whiny one. My son: the strong-willed one. My daughter: the complainer. The boss. The sensitive one. The spoiled one.
Sometimes we put ourselves in those boxes too. But when we’re in boxes and they’re in boxes, we can’t easily reach out and connect. Maybe it takes an outside glimpse. Maybe it takes an intentional stepping out from those labeled boxes. Perhaps a recognition of who they are and who we are beyond those labels. To help us see just how special and unique each one of us truly are.
Writing in the Midst of Parenting
There is an element of writing about parenting, in the midst of parenting, that is extremely difficult. Impossible, sometimes. At least for me. You have to take a step back. In order to write something, you need perspective. But then, at the same time, writing (at least for me) is what often brings perspective. Out of the sludge of words and thoughts and conflicting emotions, something rises to the foreground of the mind and is, in itself, some sort of answer. Or at least it is the right question. Or a step in that direction.
I took a sabbatical from writing in this blog for about a year. In 2014. I couldn’t write about parenting. I felt engulfed in the very thing I was writing about. How can I give perspective if I feel I have none? What’s the purpose? But it always comes back. Not the obligation to write, but the desire to do so. My very own therapeutic process, for all the world to see. Okay, not exactly. There is more of a purpose for this blog, I would hope.
To connect with parents who, like me, are often in the thick of parenting and feel they can’t step back enough to get perspective. It happens to us all. We all need some outside help at times.
Like today, when I was teaching at my kids’ school in the morning. They were playing at recess and one of the younger girls came up to the table where I sat. She was near tears, saying that Aiden looked angry at her and didn’t want to play with her. Aiden is my son. He’s nearly seven. I wanted to get to the bottom of the issue, so waved him over.
He was upset. He said that he didn’t want to play with kindergarten students because they always want to play their game and even if they play what he wants to play, they change it to make it their game. I understood where he was coming from, the youngest in our family, often expected to join in what the older two are playing. He’s the “older” kid on the playground, at least compared to the kindergarten students; shouldn’t he be able to control the game? I understood, but I didn’t agree.
I explained to him that it wasn’t nice to make someone feel that you didn’t want to play with them. I didn’t delve into the deeper issues that might have been going on in his head. I simply asked him to let his friend know he wasn’t mad at her.
He didn’t. And his face grew angrier. I didn’t know what to do.
His main teacher was sitting at the table, and she called him over. She shared a story about having to choose anger or forgiveness in a personal situation she had faced. I think he got it. Whether he took it to heart or not, I appreciate her effort. Stepping in and trying to help my son understand, not only the effects of behavior, but the importance of choosing to have a happy heart.
It’s not that everything was solved that instant. Another issue rose later that day at school, and I heard about it when the kids got home. My husband and I talked with Aiden together. We prayed with him.
We don’t have the answers to every situation that arises. Sometimes we feel a little stuck in the middle of things, when all we can do is pray and trust God to work in the hearts and lives of our children.
But in all of it, we are blessed to have friends and teachers and family who care about our kids, who want to see them grow up to make a positive difference in the world, who tell them that God has a plan for their lives. Because it’s so true, and who knows? Maybe hearing that one story, or listening to that one song, or sermon, will be that thing they remember years later. The things that reminds them, and helps them believe they have a unique purpose. That they can change the world. That God loves them no matter where they go or what they choose in life.
Writing in the midst of parenting is something like parenting in the midst of parenting. You don’t really have much of a choice. You take it one day at a time. And you’re grateful that you’re not alone.
From the Mind…or the Heart?
Just as there is a great variety in adults, there are many different kinds of children. There seems to be a marked difference between some children in how they think, act, and react. It is obvious in some that they do things from their heart. This is the little boy who will see another child crying, and offer the child his favorite toy to make him smile, not realizing until later that he no longer has the toy. This kind of child is fully consumed at the moment with the other person, and the fact that they wanted to make that person happy.
Other children are more “mind” oriented—calculating the pros and cons of their actions or requests that they are given. These ones are more often than not, a bit more self centered—not completely selfish, but they do think something through in relation to how it will affect them and their surroundings and even belongings. This is the one who will see another child crying and look around for something else to give, or run to his parent/caretaker to mention the problem.
Some children, though, are very self-focused, to the point that their needs and desires are all they see and consider when making a request or when thinking about their options. They see how something will affect themselves, and only themselves—not anyone else who might also be affected by the action. This is the child who will grab that last piece of pie, although it is his second and he knows that little sister hasn’t had her first yet. This is also the child who, if this tendency is not guided and reshaped, will grow into the adult who will stop at nothing to get their own way and climb to the top, even to the hurt of others. “Me first” is a natural human tendency, yet some seem to have it much stronger than others, even as a child.
Every child needs to feel loved and understood; every child wants that assurance that someone is there completely for him/her and will not neglect them and their needs. How do you help those children who seem to have more of an analytical nature to do things more from the heart? It is great that a child can think something through before acting, but it can become a hindrance if after thinking it through, they back out of something they can or should do because they deem it “not worth it”.
It is vitally important to help a child to see how their decisions and actions affect others. This can be accomplished with a question like, “Honey, did you notice that there was only one piece of pie for each person? You have already had a piece, and little Jenny hasn’t had hers yet.”
Usually a child will understand that, because pretty much every child has an inborn sense of fairness. If they are a stronger character though, they might just say, “I want it anyway.” How do you encourage a child to think more about others than oneself?
I think we have all heard the Golden Rule: treat others the way we would want to be treated. This is an easy concept for even a young child to understand. Bring up the “how would you feel” aspect of it. We can ask, “How would you feel if you came to get your pie and Jenny had already eaten it?”
A question such as this one will appeal to their inborn sense of fairness, and eventually it can grow to become a thing of the heart, where a child automatically puts himself in the other’s shoes before acting or reacting.
I think this is the hope that all parents share: to raise our children to both think and feel—to be solution oriented and yet empathic, to think “outside the box” and yet still be aware of the effects their actions have on others—and to choose to always treat others the way they want to be treated.
Beauty of the Unexpected
On a morning not too long age, after the kids had breakfast and we read some stories together, I told them I had a few deadlines to meet today. I asked them to please play nicely and not make messes (you know, the usual requests) so I could focus on my work and school.
I went a little further with my daughter. I showed her my list of things to do; on the right side of the paper, I had put the amount of time I assumed each task would take. It came to 13 1/2 hours. If I started that minute and worked straight, I would be done a little past midnight. I asked her to pray for me, so I could finish it more quickly.
I had been working at the computer for a while and got up to get something. When I came back, my daughter had made a little card for me and placed it on my desk. She saw me looking at it and looked the other way as if she had nothing to do with it.
Today I’m thankful for the joy of the unexpected. Like cards from children. Or hugs from them out of the blue. Or getting things done more quickly than expected. No, I didn’t finish everything on my list … I rarely do.
But there’s nothing like an unexpected card to keep me company while finishing my work. And to remind me of the things that are more important than to-do lists and accomplishment.
Summer Days a’Coming
This morning I saw a comment from an acquaintance on Facebook, about the upcoming summer break and having more time with her children. I followed the discussion thread, which got a little heated because of the variety of responses by mothers. A homeschooling mother was looking forward to summer for different reasons than her counterpart whose children go to school. Some mothers didn’t seem to be looking forward to the summer. One admitted there were times when she didn’t necessarily “like” her children, especially when they’re all at home. Another mother responded with, “How can you expect others to like them if you don’t like them?”
Yes, it was a little heated. After all, summer is around the corner.
Last week I did my finals for the semester. Tomorrow is my kids’ last day at school. I spent some time this week just thinking about and trying to plan for summer. Due to the busyness of the semester and other things going on at home and with my family, I feel that I’ve lost ground in my relationship with my children.
One of them has been going through a phase that is lasting longer than I expected. I’m starting to fear that it is turning into a perspective on life rather than a stage. This worries me because it has to do with having a “can’t do” mindset about things.
I know that, as a mother, my first responsibility this summer is to my children … as it always is. If one of them is going through something and it’s coming out through their words and outlook on life, it needs attention.
There are plenty of other things going on. I’m teaching courses for the first time in my life (and for a woman who still struggles with social anxiety, this is a huge thing. I’m shaking in my boots and though excited I’m asking myself, What on earth did I get into?)
As soon as I drove away from campus last Thursday after finals, my mind started racing ahead to everything I can read this summer, everything that I hope to write … and then skipped over to home improvement projects. My sister and her kids moved out this last weekend, so with the kids’ room changes, I have more than a little bit of cleaning and organizing to do.
I had to stop myself. I want the kids to enjoy their summer. A few years ago, I made a comprehensive (and overly ambitious) summer plan. Needless to say, we accomplished maybe one item on it. This summer, although I worked on a schedule of sorts, I tried to leave it a lot more flexible this time around.
I know they’re eager to swim this summer. After all, it’s Fresno and temperatures are already pushing past 100. (And I’m hoping that swimming will make up for my lack of exercise during the first five months of this year.) We’ll have chores and a Bible class before swimming/activity time, which will knock two things off my mental “teach-my-children” list.
Cleaning up after themselves, with the three of them living in the same room over the past year, has slid more than a little bit. Having chore time together will help us begin on the right note.
Bible class time is another thing that drifted to the back burner, during school days and even some weekends. That is one thing I need to keep as a priority. I know what grace and patience and faith my times with God grant me and I want my children to experience something of the same.
That’s the general idea of our schedule, at least the most important things: fun, faith, and family. I have a few other ideas/ projects/ hopes for the summer, but need to wait until I’ve had time to discuss them with the kids and see what they are hoping for.
So overall, if the discussion hadn’t already been so heated, I think I would say I’m looking forward to the summer. I’m excited about spending more time with my kids. I know there will be challenges – sibling disputes, messes left around, uninspired moments – but the prospects far outweigh any difficulties. After all, it’s a whole season of fun and sun and crazy-excited kids with the world ahead of them. What could be better?
What are your plans this summer? Do you go on vacation? Relax at the poolside? Tackle a family project? Please leave your thoughts and input below. We can share ideas about how to make this a great summer for both parents and children.
Mother’s Day Writing Contest Winners
Congratulations to our winners: Gaby (73 likes), Helen (72 likes), and Charlotte (71 likes)! It was so close! I wish everyone could have won something because every story is so special. Every memory. Every moment.
Every mother!
I so enjoyed reading these memories and reflections on mothers and memories from childhood that I’m thinking about writing some posts with memories of my childhood.
The idea also developed with an assignment from my photography class. For the final assignment, my professor said we can choose one subject and take 20 photos on that theme. My immediate choice (naturally) was my children. Then I began to wonder, “What kind of pictures should I take?”
The concept began to form: take pictures that coincide with my own childhood memories. Images began flooding into my mind. Eating ice cream while sitting on the back of a station wagon with my siblings, running through sprinklers, playing shadow tag, moving the lawn with a push-mower, pillow fights and raking leaves, fishing, jumping on a trampoline. So many iconic flashes. I hope I can capture them all.
More than that, I hope that my children are developing images of their own. I pray that special memories are forming in their minds, things they can carry with them always. To remind them of being loved.
Because no matter what else I might have to offer, or might not have … one thing I can unequivocally give my children, one thing we can all offer our children, is love.
The love of a parent. Imperfect, yes. But somehow unconditional. Somehow transcendent and beautiful and enduring. Even if it’s all we have to offer our children … it is enough.
Positive Parenting Blog 